Haishh…

Sometimes, his words skip the beats of my heart when he tell me he loves me,how important i am to him and  how much he dont wanna lose me being in his life. But then, there are times when i dont feel like he loves me and i dont feel like he’s serious. Its not that im making my own assumptions. But this is what i feel. Well, its my first time being in a long-distance relationship. Somehow, as his girlfriend, i want to know everything. Im not controlling him but i just want to know. At least it shows that how important i am to him. But usually, i’ll be the last to know from him. It kinda hurts me though. I dont know what to do. If i keep it to myself, its gonna burden me and i know once i explode, its gonna be very dangerous. But if i tell him directly, we’re gonna argue and im scared that he might get annoyed or smthg. As what i heard from him bout his ex, they used to argue each and every day and he get annoyed. He cant stand it. That is why i try to keep things to myself eventhough its gonna hurt me. I dont wanna control him. I love him and i wanna save our relationship. I tried as hard as i can to be understanding. And i tried as hard as i can to be the best. Hmph.. Whatever lah. I know i am ONLY his girlfriend and i have NO RIGHTS AT ALL to control his life. :’) Starting from now on, i’ll just go with the flow. I know i’ve done many mistakes which leads us to arguements lately. So yeah, i guess i’ll just follow his footsteps lah. I’ll try not to think negative, i’ll try not to get angry, i’ll try not to control his life eventhough i feel that i have never control him in anything he wanna do. Ugh.. I dont know y im feeling like this now. Maybe because of my previous relationship, i used to be the one who is in control of everything. And now i just realise that Emilio is another different person and i cant expect him to treat me like how the others treat me. Haisshh,sometimes i just need some attention from him and that’s all. Nothing much. But.. argh.. Whatever lah… I malas wanna think anymore. What i can do now is just to pray that our relationship would last longer coz i do really love him. I wish he knows what i feel. :’(

 

Xoxo,
Nadea.